8 Confidence Boosting Habits for Kids (& The Adults Raising Them)
We all want to raise kids that are confident and who have high self-esteem, but how can we be sure we’re instilling the confidence kids need to succeed in the world? Well we’ve got some ideas and activities for you to try with your kids. But first let’s look at some research about why confidence is so important.
What confidence is and why it matters
As we said earlier, confidence, or more specifically self-confidence, is a belief in one's ability to solve problems and deal with challenges. Confidence can be applicable to a narrow skillset, like the confidence to strike out a batter in a baseball game. But we’re focused on developing confident children who can apply that confidence in a wide variety of circumstances.We want to raise kids that have the self-esteem and overall confidence that allows them to try a range of new things without trepidation.
Research shows that confidence is vital to being successful in school and life. According to a researchers, “confidence has recently been deemed important because of its predictive validity for academic achievement.” This is great news because unlike other personality traits and IQ, confidence can be fostered.
So what outcomes can we expect in confident vs less confident children?
Confident kids are more likely to:
- Do better in school
- Participate in a wider range of extra curricular activities
- Take on leadership roles
- Be resilient
- Try more creative outlets
Less confident kids are more likely to:
- Struggle academically
- Be self-critical
- Be critical of others
- Be less creative
- Be prone to physical and mental illness
So as we can see, confidence leads to a host of preferable outcomes for kids. But if it’s so vital, where does this self-confidence come from? It’s true that some people are born with innate confidence, but most people need to continually build confidence up with challenging yet beneficial experiences throughout their lives.
Confidence comes from accomplishing things that are just on the edge of our comfort zone. This means kids don’t need to accomplish super difficult tasks to get a confidence boost, but they do need to get a little uncomfortable. The items in this article are simple tasks that any child can do. The difficulty comes in doing them consistently. Building them into habits is where real benefits will accrue.
And remember, these aren’t just for your kids either. You can practice these habits and reap the confidence building rewards too.
1. Practice Mel Robbins’s high-five habit
In her newest book, The High 5 Habit, motivation and mindset expert Mel Robbins reminds us that we were all born feeling confident, and that even though we may have lost it along the way, we can tap back into that confidence with a daily habit.
The habit is simple: high five yourself in the mirror every morning. But why is this habit so powerful? Attaching the mental boost that a high five can give to an ordinary activity like brushing teeth can help build new neural pathways that signal victory. So even a common, everyday activity will feel more like the achievement is.
So everyday before your kids head out the door for school, remind them to give themselves some encouragement and high five themselves.
2. Show them it’s okay to fail
Showing kids that it’s ok to fail is one of the most powerful confidence building strategies parents can try. In an interview with Business Insider, Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, speaks about how she got this message from her parents at an early age. Her dad would ask her and her brother to share their failures at the dinner table when they were young, and this simple practice led to a huge impact on her mindset. "Failure for me became not trying, versus the outcome,” says Blakey.
In other words, when you teach kids to expect and embrace failure, they begin to embrace challenges as well. And as we stated in the last section, taking on challenges is what builds confidence.
Give this a try with your kids and don’t forget to share your own failures as well. By being a role model and speaking frankly about times we’ve failed, and overcame setbacks, we give kids even more motivation to think the same way.
3. Encourage them to speak up even when they’re unsure if they’re “right”
Part of being confident is knowing that even though you may not have the right solution, your voice is worthy of being heard. It’s also important for kids to understand that just because they don’t know the solution, that doesn’t mean someone necessarily has the solution, or that there isn’t more than one solution.
At Synthesis, we help kids learn these ideas by placing them in teams where they must collaboratively solve puzzles and simulations without knowing the rules first. Since everyone starts without rules, everyone’s ideas need to be heard to move forward, and our facilitators encourage everyone to speak up. This low stakes, fun environment is the perfect place for kids to learn how to make themselves heard.
4. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness practices like meditation and breathing exercises can be a great way to build confidence. According to the Mayo Clinic, “meditation can give you a sense of calm, peace and balance that can benefit both your emotional well-being and your overall health.” This peace and balance may be just what your kid needs to quiet negative inner voices or identify limiting beliefs.
While there are many types of mediation, guided meditation may be a great way for your kids and you to get into the practice. Check out this 10-minute confidence-boosting meditation. You might also encourage your child to redefine what confidence means to them, and to notice when they are or aren’t feeling that way.
5. Encourage them to make their bed
We’re sure you’re already telling your kids to make their beds, but research suggests this daily habit is so much more important than just keeping a clean room. Just like the high five habit, beginning each day by making one’s bed has been found to give people a sense of accomplishment that they can then carry with them throughout their day.
One study of both teens and adults also found “a clear link between living and working in an organized, clutter-free environment and having improved focus, goal-setting skills, productivity, and lower levels of stress.”
So after you’ve made your bed, don’t forget to remind your kids of the benefits of making theirs.
6. Volunteer
Self-confidence can come from being good to others. When kids practice helping those who are less fortunate they get a boost in confidence in a few ways. First, they will gain social confidence by interacting with and learning about new people. Second, they will gain a more positive view of themselves and realize that they can help others. This positive self-image will help them be more confident in their ability to make a change in the world.
Check out volunteermatch.org to find volunteer opportunities in your area.
7. Get them out of their comfort zone
A large amount of the confidence kids build comes from trying new things, as well as taking on challenges right at the limits of their skill set. Becoming an expert on one thing is great, but it will leave kids with a very narrow scope of confidence that doesn’t translate to other areas. So encourage them to experiment and develop a wider set of interests.
Check out our blog on ideas for after school activities to get your kids trying new things.
8. Practice a growth mindset
Psychologist and researcher Carol Dweck has literally written the book on “growth mindset,” or the belief that your abilities are not set in stone and can be enhanced with education and experience.
So how can you foster a growth mindset in your kids? Don’t praise them for intelligence, praise them for their effort. Dweck says, “[W]e can praise wisely, not praising intelligence or talent. That has failed. Don’t do that anymore. But praising the process that kids engage in: their effort, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance, their improvement. This process praise creates kids who are hardy and resilient.
Also, embrace the power of “Not Yet.” Dweck tells of a school in Chicago that did not give failing grades, and instead gave the grade of “Not Yet.” According to her “ if you get the grade “Not Yet” you understand that you’re on a learning curve. It gives you a path into the future.” So when your kid doesn’t do well, maybe in a baseball game, dance recital, or test, remind them they haven’t failed, they just haven’t mastered the skill yet.
For more information on developing a growth mindset, check out our blog here.
None of these ideas are very difficult to try. But building them into habits takes effort. If you can get your kids to practice even one of these strategies consistently, you’ll be sure to see their confidence grow!
